I'm in my jeep driving down a long winding country road, lost in my thoughts, my music grounding me inside my head. The thoughts are jumbled, my breathing is becoming erratic. What happened? How did I get here I wonder?
Following this road full of snow covered fields is beautiful, peaceful somehow but still the tears fall down my face. "Calm down, Lo, think. What happened?" Nothing. I draw a blank. A familiar song plays on the radio, one that I've listened to millions of times. It reminds me that I've been on this path before. Do I keep going, is it safe?
Something inside me tells me to continue on and I keep driving. I'm trying to focus but I can barely see through the tears now. When I wipe them away with the back of my hand, I see a car stop ahead. I begin to slow, downshifting to help hold myself back, I come to a stop. I look in the rear view mirror and see a car approaching. Fast. Too fast. He isn't slowing down, he isn't afraid. I'm terrified. My heart is leaping out of my chest. The car in front of me begins to move, I follow.
Looking once more, I see him, just before he crashes into me. I'm pushed forward from the impact of the crash. Too far forward. What happened to my seat belt? Oh, shit. I didn't protect myself. Before Ican stop it my body is heading straight through the glass. In slow motion. I'm outside my body watching it happen. I didn't put on the brakes, I stepped on the gas to get away, He caught me when I slammed into the tree, that's when it happened.
I wasn't paying attention then. I am now. It's all I can see as my body is thrown into the place I was admiring only moments before. The person I'm watching lands in the field. I scream, "NOOO!" when I see pools of red paint the snow and I black out.
I feel a breeze, I feel warmth on my face, traveling from my temple to my check and back again. I hear hushed whispers and I slowly I begin to make out the words, "shhh, it's ok, I've got you. You're going to be alright." I'm startled and I begin kicking and wiggling to sit up. The man pulls me close, wrapping me in his strong arms, protecting me. My breathing slows. I am once again, calm and unafraid.
When I pull away to look up at him I'm frozen. My dark brown eyes meet his clear blue eyes and I understand completely. "It was you. You chased me, you crashed into me, you broke me free from myself, you sent me flying into a field, but you caught me didn't you? I knew you would keep me safe." He looked down at me smiling. Smiling!? He kissed my forehead, my cheek, my earlobe. I sighed, and he whispered, "Baby, it was just a dream."
-Lola Fontaine © 2015
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