My Lover's Touch

I'm in this bed
Alone again
While visions of you
Dance in my head. 

Of how you would
Hold me tight
And keep me safe
All through the night

You woke me sweetly
Every morning
Placing kisses
On me gently

Your touch so light
My skin on fire
It feels so right
So filled with desire

Your pace is set
Your kisses plenty
You find me wet
Right through my panties

But now alone
I touch myself
It feels so good
Yet Not quite like it should

My lovers touch
Is just a memory
I'm longing for you
So very much

I get lost in the Sensation
With each minastratoin
Oh yes that's right
I think i might

Get off to thoughts
Of just your touch
And how you'd take me
Just a little bit rough

I'm so very wet
But i won't cum yet
Right there that's right
Oh yes I'm ready

Come watch me baby
This is all for you
I know you'll get off
Cum with me too.

-Lola Fontaine 2015

Your Light

When you left I never saw it coming.  I can still remember the last time I was with you. It was like any other day. I woke up to the feeling of your gentle touch on my cheek, my whispered name and your kisses on my neck.  We made love in the early hours of the morning, only this time it was slow and easy. It was still dark, I remember. So many mornings we'd be in each others arms, sweaty from sex and coming down from the intense orgasms we shared, as the morning sunlight would pour in through the window.  That day,  there was no sunlight. That day, you were saying goodbye and I never had a clue. 

I often wonder if I'll ever see the sunlight again.  I suffer every day.  I no longer wake up to your touch, your kiss,  your voice.  I wake up alone, soaked in sweat not from lovemaking but from the terror of my own nightmare repeating itself. Every. Day.  Your scent is gone from our bed.  I know this because I've searched endlessly when it started to fade.  The pain of losing that scent I grew dependent on crushed my soul. I need the feel of your arms around my body to feel warm.  I need your scent and the sound of your breathing so I don't feel so desperately alone.  It's all gone. 

The sunlight faded from the window when you left me, taking my light and my warmth.  Every sound in this house reminds me that it's empty because your energy and laughter no longer fill the rooms.  The only whispered voice I hear is my own calling your name in my dreams.  I barely sleep anymore.  I can't stand the pain of losing you over and over in my dreams; my nightmares really. I held your hand as you said goodbye.  How did you know it would be the last?  Why didn't you tell me? I would give anything to just sleep and live in my happiest of dreams with you. 

I seek out the light,  I honestly do.  I don't want to live my life with this heartache and misery. God I don't want to live like this! Today, the pain is so unbearable, the crushing ache in my heart cripples me.  Today is different because today the the light finds me.  It's coming through the window and it's so incredible bright.  The warmth soothes my aching heart so it feels as though I'm in your arms.  I revel in the feel of the light on my skin, seeping into my soul.  It's when the glow is starting to fade that I feel my ache return and like an animal I hunt for it,  crawling along the floor to feel the pleasure of it once again.  When I find it, there is peace. I breath a sigh of relief and I hear your voice whispering my name.  Tears start to fall,  "please don't leave me," I beg. My sobs drown out the sound of your voice if it ever was really there to begin with.  I'm filled with your warmth, but still I can't stop crying for you. The pain is too much, take my pain away.  Please release me of this pain.  I reach for your hand and I plead for your light. Over and over again I plead for just one more touch, taste, word, but just like on the day you left your hand slips from my grasp. I'm left alone to ache for you in darkness, while your light shines for someone else.

-Lola Fontaine 2015

Let Go

You and I
we do this dance
Each of us not willing
To take a chance

Apart we decided
Was the best
Decision to make
Each not knowing
How our hearts
would break

So we go on our way
Living without each other
Walking the same path
Every day

Together we stand
in a crowded room
We clearly see
But we look straight through
As we pass

Trying to pretend
That we don't miss each other
And we're not mourning
the loss of a friend

So I take a chance
And I try to see
What it was you saw
when you looked at me

Perhaps naive
I want to see you
And no matter
how hard I tried
I could not meet your eye

So I took a breath
and held my head high
And from across the room
I whispered,  Good bye

-Lola Fontaine 2015

Dream Home - a Michael Sinclair Lola Fontaine Collaboration

Alone with my thoughts
In darkness at night
Sleep sweetly
Come meet me
Where there is no light

Feel the heat
I am on fire
Here I’m waiting
Full of desire

Just one touch
Is all I need
You and I
Will do the deed

Feel you penetrate
My very being
In the darkness
Without seeing

With one touch
I give submission
Capturing you
Completes my mission

I give completely
Bound to you
Goosebumps
Soaking panties through

My whispered name
I plead for more
Fill my ache
And make me sore

Welcome home
Feel how I’m  wet
Stroke you gently
Harder you get

My arching back
My legs apart
Begging you
To own my heart

I feel you coming
No longer alone
When you’re inside me
Coming home

Welcome home
My Love
My Lover
Reunited
Beneath the cover

January 16, 2015

- Michael Sinclair and Lola Fontaine

Letter To My Sleeping Lover

The sun is peaking through the tiny opening in the dark curtain.  I'm pulled from my sleep by the urge to be close to you.  I feel your warmth, but this morning it's not from your arms around me.  I'm never awake before you it seems and so many times I wake with you staring into my eyes when I open them.  The look on your face is a look of wonder, and when I open my eyes to your waiting gaze, a smile slowly forms on your lips, goes up your cheeks and straight to your steely blue  eyes.  The warmth I feel from your smile is just as intense as the warmth I feel from your arms around me.  I will never grow tired of your smile.  This morning, I want to be YOUR waking smile.

I know you're asleep, I can feel it in my heart.  I just wish we weren't apart.  Closing my eyes I face your side of our bed and I imagine you hugging your pillow, something you do when you aren't wrapped around me.  Your face is relaxed in sleep and I swear there already is a tiny smile on your face.  I move towards you and snuggle close.  Ahhh, that's better.  Already I feel more complete.  God it's so hard not to reach out to touch you.  I can't control myself no matter how hard I try though.  You know this about me and I think that you love my inability to refrain from touching you.  I reach out to touch the side of your face, and then kiss your shoulder, but still you sleep.

I wait, and I watch my lover, seeing the tiny rise and fall of your shoulders, listening to your smooth even breathing.  I reach out to touch you again, this time running my finger from your forehead to the tip of your nose, then tracing your lips. When I pull back I see you start to move,  yes, this is it, he's finally waking up, but still you sleep.  So, I wait, and I watch, and when your hand reaches for mine in your sleep, I lace my fingers with yours and start drifting back towards a dreamland with you. 

I'm not sure how long I sleep, but this time when I wake I feel heat.  A good heat, that I completely adore because I know it's coming from your touch.  I feel you moving my hair off the side of my face and sweeping it behind my back.  It's the soft touch of your finger tips on the side of my neck that wake me from sleep.  This is real!  I open my eyes, and right there waiting for me is that steely blue gaze filled with warmth and desire.  "You've come home," I whisper and then you kiss my nose, and whisper back, "how could I not?"

Lola Fontaine 2015

Letter To A Lost Lover

When I told you that I will gladly take the pain of letting you go right now, over the excruciating pain of hurting you later. I meant it.  When I closed my eyes and allowed my mind to rule over my heart for the briefest amount of time, I saw the potential damage my loving you could do.  I couldn't bare to live with that pain, so I said those words to show you that I was strong.  That I could be strong for the both of us. 
I was wrong. You were the strong one, you were the one that made everything okay, you were the one who calmed my fears, helped me to believe in myself.  I am not strong at all.  I am weak because when the reality of letting you go sinks in, it's a pain that brings me to my knees.  I don't know how to go back in time and change the path that brought us here,  but I want to, because I want what we had before it got all clouded up.  I had no idea it would hurt me so deeply.  I want to fix the crack in my armor that allowed you into my heart in the first place.  Then maybe I wouldn't be here, now, crying on the floor of my bathroom with the shower running to drown out the sound. 

I love passionately and there's a loyalty in me like no other.  I will show you my strength by never letting you see me cry. Even when the pain is at its worst I will find the little strength I have to be brave, for you.  I will always sing your praises and let the world know how truly great you are, because I believe it in my heart. I will forever be.
~Yours

-Lola Fontaine 2015

Strength

I put up these walls around my heart.  They are strong and thick.  They protect me.  At least I think they do, yet I live in fear that these walls will be quick to crumble.  I use my whit and my sass as a defense mechanism that guard those walls from crumbling, but sometimes I swear all it really does is draw a bullseye on them. 

We all want to feel the good feelings that come with being in love.  The joy I feel when I see you walk into the room, the warmth I feel in my heart when I hear your voice on the phone, the thrill that I get from your sensual touch.  Those are just a few of the ways you took my defenses and crushed them. 

It was when I first saw your piercing gaze that I felt the first bricks start to fall.  It was then that I realized the walls we put up to protect us are so easily crumbled when we find someone that touches us so deeply.  You see me.  You see the parts I want to hide, and I know that you see my fear. 

You're strong and I can see that in your confident ways.   I hear you.  It's your motivating supportive words that lift me up and help me to believe in my own strength.  I feel you.  It's your strength that grounds me when you walk up behind me and wrap me in your ams. 

Words cannot describe the feeling I get from your breath on my neck and your soft kisses to my cheek.  You don't see my fear as a weakness because you see inside my heart.  How?  Why?  Weren't my walls thick enough?  I thought so, but yet you stepped into my life and so easily put a hole through those walls with your tender words and your tender touch. 

Do you see my strength too?
-Lola Fontaine 2015

Morning Embrace

Wrapped in your Arms is where I feel safe and I feel cherished.  The warmth of your arms around me cannot be replaced by any other heat source because it is your love that surrounds me, fills me, and ultimately grounds me.

Lying on your chest I can hear the beating of your heart the clearest, the slow steady rhythm that I hear lulls me to sleep, wrapped in your embrace, the softest blanket a girl could have.
In the night we move in our sleep, you're never far from me, I can feel your heat.  Like a moth to a flame I'm drawn to you for comfort, for strength, for the sound of your beating heart.  I crawl back to you,  You feel me too, you hold me close and your touch fills me with heat.

I know when you start to wake, I feel you reach for me, searching my body with your soft touch, and pull me closer still.  Your press me into your chest, your arm across my waist, wrapping your legs over mine and I can feel your breath on my neck.  It tickles, but it's the sigh that I hear that makes me smile, because I know that you found your strength too. 

When the light from the sunrise begins to seep into our window, I feel the warmth on my body from outside our cocoon, but it is nothing compared to the touch of your finger tips stroking the side of my face.  I know that you're watching me sleep, I can feel your eyes on me.  I don't want to move from this cave, this warmth, so I sigh, and whisper, "Good Morning my love."
--Lola Fontaine  2015

The Crash

I'm in my jeep driving down a long winding country road, lost in my thoughts, my music grounding me inside my head. The thoughts are jumbled, my breathing is becoming erratic.  What happened? How did I get here I wonder? 

Following this road full of snow covered fields is beautiful,  peaceful somehow but still the tears fall down my face.  "Calm down,  Lo, think.  What happened?"  Nothing. I draw a blank.  A familiar song plays on the radio, one that I've listened to millions of times.  It reminds me that I've been on this path before. Do I keep going,  is it safe?

Something inside me tells me to continue on and I keep driving. I'm trying to focus but I can barely see through the tears now.  When I wipe them away with the back of my hand, I see a car stop ahead.  I begin to slow,  downshifting to help hold myself back, I come to a stop. I look in the rear view mirror and see a car approaching. Fast.  Too fast.  He isn't slowing down,  he isn't afraid. I'm terrified. My heart is leaping out of my chest.  The car in front of me begins to move,  I follow. 

Looking once more, I see him,  just before he crashes into me.  I'm pushed forward from the impact of the crash. Too far forward. What happened to my seat belt? Oh, shit.  I didn't protect myself.  Before Ican stop it my body is heading straight through the glass. In slow motion.  I'm outside my body watching it happen.  I didn't put on the brakes,  I stepped on the gas to get away, He caught me when I slammed into the tree,  that's when it happened.

I wasn't paying attention then.  I am now.  It's all I can see as my body is thrown into the place I was admiring only moments before. The person I'm watching lands in the field.  I scream,  "NOOO!"  when I see pools of red paint the snow and I black out.

I feel a breeze, I feel warmth on my face, traveling from my temple to my check and back again. I hear hushed whispers and I slowly I begin to make out the words,  "shhh, it's ok,  I've got you. You're going to be alright." I'm startled and I begin kicking and wiggling to sit up.  The man pulls me close,  wrapping me in his strong arms,  protecting me.  My breathing slows. I am once again, calm and unafraid. 

When I pull away to look up at him I'm frozen.  My dark brown eyes meet his clear blue eyes and I understand completely.  "It was you.  You chased me,  you crashed into me, you broke me free from myself,  you sent me flying into a field, but you caught me didn't you?  I knew you would keep me safe." He looked down at me smiling.  Smiling!?  He kissed my forehead,  my cheek,  my earlobe.  I sighed,  and he whispered, "Baby, it was just a dream."

-Lola Fontaine © 2015