The Sound of Your Voice

I'm pulled from sleep by the sound of your voice.  In sleep I feel you, your body pressed against mine,  arms wrapped around me,  your warmth soaking into my skin. I feel the steady rhythm of your breathing in my ear.  The sound a comfort.  It's when I start to reach for your hand to hold it in mine to feel not your warmth, but your touch, that I hear your voice in my ear.
"Good morning princess,"you whisper.  Those words seep into my soul,  and fill my heart with an ache I can't release. "Good morning" is whispered in a sigh,  that brings tears to my eyes.  I know it's not real, this feeling I have each and every morning. I still talk back,  because when I talk back I continue to hear the voice that's slowly disappearing from my memory.  I'm afraid if I don't talk back that voice will fade away completely.

I'm not ready to let go,  so I close my eyes a little tighter to focus on those words that will come next.  "You should be sleeping babygirl."  The tears freely flowing from the pain in my heart are pooling on my pillow.  "Yes, Sir, I know, but I wanted to talk to you. I miss you so terribly the pain is uncontrollable." The silent tears turn to sobs, the moaning that escapes me fills the room, is a moan of deep despair and not of pleasure like it once was.

I don't hear the sound of your voice anymore. I just hear your whispered hush,  trying to stop the crying and calm me.  Please find a way.  I miss your warmth every day. You left so suddenly. The ache I felt when I last said goodbye is nothing compared to this right now.  I wish I knew then, it would be the last time. I would have told you that I loved you, so you knew in your heart before you would leave me.  Instead I'm filled with all kinds of doubt. Did my love for you show, could you see it in my eyes?  Did you know?

"Yes,  I know" were the words I heard next.   I woke with a gasp and rolled over in bed.  You were not there.  The words were just in my head. The sound of your voice is what I long to hear. The look in your eyes and the smile on your face I beg to see just once more before I go back to sleep.  "Please,"  I whisper, when my tears start to fade.  "Soon,  baby, soon,"is what I hear once again.
Is it all a dream, the sound of your voice?  Or will you come back when I've finally let you go?

-Lola Fontaine 2015