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Your last words were "we'll talk tomorrow morning babygirl.  Sleep well my love."

I felt your kiss on my lips long after you pulled yourself away from the grip I held on your hand.  Silently I begged for you not to go.   My words screaming, pleading and my own cries a roaring sound in my head. 

The words you could not hear but you saw the tears when you wiped them away gently with your kiss.  The touch of your kiss on my skin made my heart soar, but the joy your kiss brings didn't stop the tears from coming.  Your own tears mingled with mine when you held me so tight.  I still feel your breath on my face, when you whispered, "I miss you already."  My strength waining I crumbled in your arms.  I don't want to let you go. We're not through.  Our book is not finished.  It's only the beginning I cried.  Every fear exposed.  My heart on my sleeve.  

Just once I wish I said I'd go with you.  I was too afraid to take that leap.  To take the happiness that was just out of reach.  Your reason for going was my reason for staying behind. I feared this moment for so long. I knew we had an end date, but I told myself that I could be your lover and not fall in love. I see now that it was a foolish notion. I fell in love with you and I fell in love hard.  Now I'm left cold, broken and aching from inside out.  My heart beats for you slowly, painfully, the deafening sound a reminder of the loss I must find a way to heal from.   You said you'd protect me, keep me safe and warm, but still you left.  Still I wait for the tomorrow that never comes.  

The whispered promises already fading, the hole slowly mending.  Our love grew, our mistakes plenty.  The light returns in the dark eyes of a little girl.  The emptiness is filled with her laughter, but the sadness remains deep in my core.  If only I told you that I wanted more.  We'd share this joy instead of this pain.  I know that one day we will meet again.   

-Lola Fontaine 2015