Darkness

Lover Take Hold

Have you ever felt vulnerable
and exposed but at the same time felt so deeply connected, protected?

Has the feeling of your lover's touch ever made you feel so alive that you felt the buzz in your toes?
 
When he looked at you with wonder in his eyes and called you his treasure did it make you feel safe and warm?

When he cradled you in his arms and pulled your hair so you'd look at him too, did you feel like he could see you to your core?

When he reached for your hand and smiled down at you,  did it make you feel like you were the only two people in the crowded room?

Has your need to give yourself to him been so overwhelming when just kissing him,  that you climbed right into his lap in a city park?

Have you ever felt so free and powerful,  sexy and wanted,  euphoric and blissful,  when he looked at you and said mine?

When you finally saw just what he saw when he looked at you did it fill your heart with joy,  your mind at ease? Did you feel the relief when your lover took hold and grabbed your soul?

-Lola Fontaine 2015

Behind The Badge

I've always been attracted to older men, so when the cop that was charged with the detail of watching over us approached me I was all over it.  We had one incident at the coffee shop where I worked and Mr. Grigas got over protective. He was a good friend of the police department, so they didn't mind working extra details for him to make sure his girls were safe at night.

Mark was his name. He was tall, dark, handsome, and his very presence exuded strength and dominance.  He sure did watch over us, me in particular a little too closely.  He didn't like the fact that we had to walk through the alley at night to get home.  I didn't mind it.  I loved the dark.  It was always where I felt most comfortable.    He began to meet me after work to walk me home, and was always really respectful.  I wondered why he never kissed me even though I could tell the minute he wanted to.  He always seems to pause and change the subject just when I thought he might finally do it.  It was sweet really.

One particular spring day, he took my hand in his while we walked.  I was too shocked to say a word, too excited by his touch.  It was instant warmth.  The whole gesture was pretty casual and to others would seemingly go unnoticed.  To me it was everything.

It was on that day where Mark paused just before my front door, looked into my eyes and with such gentle force crushed me against the brownstone where I lived, let out a low growl, and kissed me so deeply I couldn't breathe.  I lost all sense of where I was and his kiss left me so weak in the knees I could barely stand. That's when Mark lifted me up, wrapped my legs around his waist and carried me to my front door.  He never let me go as he opened the door, climbed the stairs, and got me into the apartment.  Once inside he pressed me into the door, my legs still wrapped around his body and turned my world over on its back.

I reached for his neck so that I could grasp his thick dark hair and pull him closer to me.  As close as he was, I needed him closer.  He shocked me, when he grabbed my hands from around his neck and with a quick force he pinned my arms over my head and held my wrists in his one hand.  The intensity of that one action had my skin on fire from the heat that formed in my core.  He pulled back, pausing to breath, and he stole my own breath.  I was an instant puddle, I wanted him so badly. His dark eyes grew darker, and he formed a sly grin just before gently kissing my lips.  A complete contrast to the intensity on the street and my current position pinned to the wall by his large frame and strong hand.  He kissed along my jaw, to my ear, then buried his face into the hollow of my collar bone.  I couldn't stop that long moan that escaped me when he did that.  This brought out his own groan as well.  Slowly he  licked up the side of my neck until he could gently tug on my earlobe with his teeth.  I gasped once more when he whispered in my ear, "I've been dying to fuck you for so long. Make no mistake about it, today we will Fuck, and then you will be mine."  Those words were my undoing. I wanted this man and I was going to have him.  Just like he said.

That one kiss that turned into the an intense evening of sex changed me.  I turned into someone I never thought I could be given my history. That was the day I began my affair with a married man.  

                                     --Lola Fontaine 2014

You and I

You saw me
I couldn't look away
You intrigued me
But did I want to play?

You waited patiently
I acted shy
You saw right through that
I asked you why?

You called me yummy
I thought you were funny
You said delicious
I thought who is this?

Like an animal
you caught my scent
I tried to run
And away we went.

You hunted slyly
longing to devour me.
I hoped to be caught
But I wasn't aware

You had plans for me
I couldn't see

You changed my world
Like I knew you would

You sucked me in
I knew my role
You found your girl
I found my Man

You said I was yours
I gave you my heart
You took my soul
I now feel whole.

-Lola Fontaine 2015

More

Your last words were "we'll talk tomorrow morning babygirl.  Sleep well my love."

I felt your kiss on my lips long after you pulled yourself away from the grip I held on your hand.  Silently I begged for you not to go.   My words screaming, pleading and my own cries a roaring sound in my head. 

The words you could not hear but you saw the tears when you wiped them away gently with your kiss.  The touch of your kiss on my skin made my heart soar, but the joy your kiss brings didn't stop the tears from coming.  Your own tears mingled with mine when you held me so tight.  I still feel your breath on my face, when you whispered, "I miss you already."  My strength waining I crumbled in your arms.  I don't want to let you go. We're not through.  Our book is not finished.  It's only the beginning I cried.  Every fear exposed.  My heart on my sleeve.  

Just once I wish I said I'd go with you.  I was too afraid to take that leap.  To take the happiness that was just out of reach.  Your reason for going was my reason for staying behind. I feared this moment for so long. I knew we had an end date, but I told myself that I could be your lover and not fall in love. I see now that it was a foolish notion. I fell in love with you and I fell in love hard.  Now I'm left cold, broken and aching from inside out.  My heart beats for you slowly, painfully, the deafening sound a reminder of the loss I must find a way to heal from.   You said you'd protect me, keep me safe and warm, but still you left.  Still I wait for the tomorrow that never comes.  

The whispered promises already fading, the hole slowly mending.  Our love grew, our mistakes plenty.  The light returns in the dark eyes of a little girl.  The emptiness is filled with her laughter, but the sadness remains deep in my core.  If only I told you that I wanted more.  We'd share this joy instead of this pain.  I know that one day we will meet again.   

-Lola Fontaine 2015